My childhood
by tails the cute fox
Summary: 'I never had a happy childhood. I was the disappointment of the family. Or as Ginny calls me, Uncle's torture toy.'A story about the horrible past of Len Tao,rated M for scenes of torture and suicide.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey I'm back again with another fanfiction! I looked everywhere for some sort of Len childhood story but didn't find many so yeah I decided to write something dark about Len's past. It's rated M for scenes of torture and nothing disgusting by the way! Just a heads up .Anyway one more thing, Len is practically plotting my death from all of my stories so he's not going to talk to me for this story – well for this chapter anyway.**

_**My childhood**_

I never had a happy childhood. I was the disappointment of the family. Or as Ginny calls me, Uncle's torture toy. That's all I am I suppose, my family have never shown me affection. I still remember my first birthday, that's when I realised that I was only the Tao heir. Nothing more, nothing less. I picked up my Kwan Dao for the first time and uncle decided to _test_ me .He launched a foot at my ribcage, shattering the fragile bones inside before I had time to defend myself. I was left there to recover on my own. But I got used to pain. I had too. I was even at points left for dead. My father died shortly after I was born, so my mother said I was bad luck, an omen of bad things. And I agree with her. I was tortured and beaten. But I always strived to please my family. I was only three when I overheard the secret meeting. My uncle had said that I was useless, not worth the oxygen that was in my lungs. My cousin, Zeva, agreed and said I was of far better use in the spirit world. I tripped up and landed through the door. I was beaten until my blood stained the carpet. And I was beaten for staining the carpet.

I was tortured with pokers if I cried, so I don't cry anymore. I was starved if I showed fear, so I'm never show fear. I suppose that in the end, that was the only thing that proved I existed. That I wasn't just some entity. My mother never asked where the cuts on my wrists came from. She didn't even care that I went so far that I passed out from blood loss. I tried to prove that pain didn't hurt but my I just proved that my uncle was right, that I was weak. I went to the shaman tournament and met Yoh Asakura and his group. They are my only friends, because no one wanted to 'hang' with the Chinese shaman that was Len Tao. They always wondered why I was constantly bleeding, or why I my veins were slashed until there was nothing left. I told them it was nothing, that I had cut myself whilst making a sandwich. When I tried to overcome my uncle they helped stop him. But they didn't stop the abuse, the torture. They knew nothing about what I was going through. Not until I fell ill.

It was the night of my tenth birthday and I was meant to meet them down and Yoh's house after visiting my family. I walked in there and only my sister, Jun, saw how pale I was. She only saw the blood on y arms and she pointed it out at dinner. I didn't answer her. I was half in shock – someone actually cared that I was I pain or that I had done something like that. I couldn't bear the shame of telling my family that for eight years, I had been cutting myself for no good reason other than pain relief. After waiting for answer, my uncle decided he would force one out of me. He grabbed by throat in order to get an answer. I couldn't breathe. I kicked out and ran. I went straight to my friends who, just like Jun, wanted to know about my wrists  
"Accident" I told them. I knew they would probably hate me if they knew so I lied. But I could tell that yoh didn't buy it.

The party was something you would expect out of Yoh; music blaring out, resonating around the house. That's when I felt sick. I excused myself and rushed to the toilets with Jocko shouting  
"Len can't handle an awesome party like this. Especially with _his_ background .I could have punched him for that. As I opened the bathroom door, I doubled over in pain and let out a cry. And the others heard it. I was being violently sick down the toilet when they found me. Blood sick, that is. I remember the shock on their faces– it was three days ago. After that I blacked out. I woke up a week later in hospital. I was shocked that they bothered whether I was ill. Yoh repeatedly asked me about what was going on. I didn't answer. My family had come. My face was whiter than the sheets I lay on as they entered the room. Yoh backed off immediately. Shame washed over me and I reluctantly looked up at my uncle's furious face. I gulped as he spat the words I knew he had longed to say since my birth  
"You are a disappointment to the Tao family. You're better off _dead!"_ I nodded. I knew that already and Yoh opened his mouth in protest but I glared at him to keep it zipped.

I was let out of hospital yesterday. I have decided something. I'm going to end this, right here and now. I left my Kwan Dao in my room so I will be able to end it swiftly. Yoh and the others are gone so they won't interfere with it. I have written a note. Tears have stained my cheeks before I can stop them. It only adds to my weakness. My cousin Zeva was right all those years ago when she said that I would be more use in the spirit world. I open my door, slowly, and pick up my Kwan Dao with trembling hands. I suppose my family will get their wish after all. I lift my Kwan Dao into the air and...

Darkness...

**Well what did you guys think? Yeah pretty gory huh? But if you think about it that's how Len was treated in the anime (Not sure about the manga since I've only read vol.1) so I thought I would write this. It's not going to be a one shot so I will update after I write chapter 1 of **_**the kidnapper of kilvert road **_**so you'll have to wait**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi it's me (again!)I was originally going to leave this a one-shot but I thought I could make it into a two shot. Len is in a huge huff with me soooo if anyone has info on the manga, please PM me because I'm doing one at some point about the manga as a request of my reviewer thanks to matthew069, tails3491, serenelittlerose and finally SK-fan7 for being the only reviewers of my stories! (1 person out of the 60 readers actually reviewed chapter 1!)Told in Yoh's POV and then Len's. Oh yeah and another special thanks to rubycrusade who reviewed this. That review was my motivation to finish this chapter even though I was going to put it on hiatus.**

**Thanks, all of you!**

_**My childhood chapter 2**_

We all felt it. The exact feeling we had when Len decided to against his uncle. The loss of shaman energy. Len had been quite distant from us since his birthday. Then it sunk in, what the intention behind his words was.  
Earlier today Len asked me "Yoh, can I ask you something" I opened one eye and nodded."I have a...friend."  
"Do you?!"He glared at me for that. I just laughed.  
"Who has been told numerous times that they are a failure and is...well thinking about joining the spirit world..."I got the impression that his 'friend' wasn't real; but I let him continue."He...it's nothing, forget I asked" He walked off and I swear I saw him crying.  
"He's committed suicide!"I yelled. Trey jumped out his skin. We ran out the door, through the bustling streets of Tokyo and finally stopped infront of his house.

We slammed the door open but the downstairs was empty. We could hear muffled sobs and everyone knew it was Len. Trey looked at me and I looked back. Even Anna, who never normally cares and I have so many memories of her and Len arguing, looked slightly concerned: Len DOESNT cry! We sprinted up the stairs and banged on his door. No reply. We banged again and a very faint reply was heard. We could only just hear it.  
"Go away!"Came the whisper. Faust answered him.  
"Len, open the door."He was answered with a whimper. Then silence. Blood seeped from under the door as a loud thud was heard. A clatter of metal. More silence. We tried to push open the door but the dead weight kept it firmly shut. We decided the only way to get in was to kick the door down. But gravity was not on our side and the door fell on top of the Chinese shaman we were trying _not_ to harm. Faust rushed over and lifted the door. None of us recognised the whimpering, pale and crying form that lay underneath. I certainly didn't. With ease, Faust turned the body to one side and I barely concealed a gasp as I saw his Kwan Dao embedded into the white flesh, a bruise surrounding the area. As Faust touched it, there was a shriek of pain as the body beneath the fingers convulsed and shuddered. Tears leaked from his eyes as he muttered something inaudible. Well almost inaudible. It sounded like 'let me die' but I couldn't be sure. Restraining him, Faust examined his wounds. Numerous infected cuts decorated the waxy coloured skin (Even I can tell that he was getting worse and I'm definitely not a doctor!) and bruises on top of where his vital organs were stood out like an elephant in a river.

That was half an hour ago. After looking at his injuries, Faust had rang his clinic and an ambulance arrived shortly after. But the arrival was cutting it VERY close – Len was literally on the verge of death! They did at least 5 operations on him since for some strange reason his internal organs were severely damaged, almost beyond repair! But Faust is a genius when it comes to medical stuff. None of us could figure out why Len had done this. Trey said it was because he's a selfish brat, Jocko made up a joke and Rio just said something I couldn't understand.

I'm the only one in Len's hospital room (excluding Len) now. Faust, Trey and the others are discussing Len's condition but I stayed. There's a ruffle of bed sheets as Len wakes up. I sigh. He scowls.  
"What am I doing _here_!?"He wails. I smile at him and explain.  
"We couldn't let you die so we –"  
"How did you know what I was doing?"  
"We just figured it out. Why did you do it Len?"He looks at me sadly and begins to answer when...  
"Out of my way, boy I need to _speak _to my nephew!"Five guesses who that is. I back off and the large form of En Tao pushes past me then shuts the door when I'm gone. I watch through the crack in the door*. Len looks ashamed and refuses to look his uncle who is glaring intently at him.  
"You sicken me!"He snarls and Len gulps. There is something in his eyes I have never seen. Fear. Its small but its there. The pure fear. I have to bite my tongue to stop me from gasping in shock. En glares at his nephew with intense hatred and kicks him. A single tear rolls down Len's pale cheek as the blow lands.  
"You're a coward! Nothing more than a useless coward who should die. You aren't worthy of being a Tao. You don't have enough honour to be Tao."He yells as fierce blows rain down on his nephew, who just nods and takes it all! What's up with him?! Why doesn't he fight back!?Unless...That's what's wrong with him! His family! I rush in and his uncle glares at me. Len looks like a dog that's done something wrong. He refuses to look me in the eye as more of the crystal liquid drips down his already soaked cheeks. En goes back to his work and grabs Len by the throat, ignoring the stutters and cries of pain. I yell at him to let go.  
"Die!"He whispers as he hits Len round the head, which falls back into a crumpled, hopeless heap before blacking out. Faust walks into the room and gives a look to En that said 'Get out before a make you.' En glares back, kicks Len one final time, who whimpers again, and leaves.

_**Len POV**_

I'm surrounded in darkness. Complete and utter darkness. At first I think my uncle finished the job I started and I was on my way to the spirit world, but no life decided it would let me live. It's not fair! Great now I sound like a whiny brat (Which apparently trey thinks I am, the stupid baka**!)I suppose life hates me. My vision returns and I see the others looking up expectantly at me. Especially that grinning idiot Yoh. Curse him! The dolt! I refuse to look any of them in the eye, disgusted by my own cowardice. I'm a Tao! Tao's don't cry, I thought that I was past that. Tao's don't show hesitation, so why did I not just stab myself in the heart (I know why – my stupid arms are too short! I couldn't reach!) And why did I even try suicide?!Its cowardice!And Tao's aren't cowards. Except me I suppose.  
"Oi Lenny, You ok?"A sudden voice breaks my train of thought.  
"Fine. I...am just fine" I murmur, still not looking up from the floor. I recognise the voice as Trey's and am very tempted to give him the finger but decide against it. I'm in that sort of mood since I was denied the death I craved.  
"You don't look fine" He snickers and I look up from the floor to glare at him, almost on the edge of taking him to the spirit world with me. But my glare lacks strength and I return to the floor almost instantaneously. I don't know why, but for some reason Zeke is here. That's just perfect! I can't bugged by Zeke, today is just my day. I finally look up and climbed out of the hospital/clinic bed in an attempt to get away from the hospital. What I did was what your average day moron would do; I rushed far too much in my haste to get out of the oppressing room and end up tripping up, landing with a thud. I groan and pick myself up.  
"By the way, Faust signed you up for a therapist!" Trey Yells after me. An even louder groan. Just my luck!

**Well that's a rap. I'm SO sorry about how long it took to update. I'm terrible at this. Kayleigh the charmander is still on hiatus I'm afraid, I don't have motivation for it (Hint Hint) **

**Any way until next time!**


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